It feels caring. Here's the better question most of us miss.  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌

August 20, 2026   |   Read online The question everyone asks, but no one should Thankfully, there is a much better question. Here it is... Most of us size up our marriage by asking, "How is my spouse doing?" It feels like a caring question. Sometimes it is. If you're asking about their heart, their energy, their emotions, how they're really carrying life right now, that's a good question. Pay attention to the answer. But most of us aren't asking it that way. We're quietly grading them. We're deciding whether they're doing a good job as a husband or a wife. That version of the question won't help you, because there's nothing you can do with the answer. You can't make your spouse a better spouse. The grading just leaves you frustrated and a little more distant. How To Make Your Spouse Feel Supported (EP109) On this week's episode of the Podcast, we turn the question around. The better question, the one you can actually act on, is this: How am I doing at supporting my spouse? That one puts the work back on you, which is the only place you have any control. (Have you read Stay In Your Lane?) You can't control how your spouse is doing. You can control whether you're building a marriage where they're free to do well. There's a catch, though. Support has to fit the person you're married to, not the person you'd be in their place. Blaine feels supported when Adrienne talks him up in front of their kids. Adrienne feels it when Blaine shows up in the crowd at her show. Neither one guessed the other's answer. That's usually where couples miss each other. What feels like love to you might not feel the same for your spouse. And the thing that would mean the most to them might be something you've never thought to do. So we put together a simple way to find out. (And it’s free.)   The Support Audit Three questions. About twenty minutes. No critiquing each other. You'll each name three ways you feel supported, trade them one at a time, and ask what's really behind them: "What does that do for your heart?" Get the Support Audit   Grab it, take it to coffee this week, then listen to the full episode for the stories behind it, including the one kind of support that feels helpful but usually backfires. Listen on Apple, Spotify, or desktop I’m having a blast with The Creation of Us Cohort. I’ve done something like this (15 couples for one hour a week on Zoom), but I’m having fun with it. Maybe we should do another one? If you have bought the book, I have a quick favor to ask. Amazon loves reviews. Any review. One star, five star, it doesn’t matter. To the algorithm, a review means people are paying attention, and Amazon always shows books that are getting attention to more people. So, if you could leave a review, it would be very helpful to me (and hopefully to someone who sees the book, buys it, and learns something about their marriage). To some, leaving a review sounds overwhelming but it’s actually quite easy. Go HERE. Scroll down to the reviews. Click on Write a Customer Review. Write something—a favorite quote, an honest comment, whatever. (Seriously, good or bad doesn’t matter) That’s it. If 100 of you could do so, then within a few days those reviews will show up on Amazon and the book will begin to get even more attention. Thank you. One final note. On Monday, Love Styles will appear on Focus on the Family. It’s crazy to be promoting two books at the same time, but it’s where we are. I taught Love Styles and The Creation of Us in back-to-back semesters at what our church calls Big Wednesdays. Now, four years later, they are both in print. So listen to Focus on Monday and share with your friends. Let me know if I can be of any services to you or your family. Blessings, Kevin p.s. Don’t forget, go to LoveStyles.AI and ask it a question or have a conversation about a relationship issue in your life. It’s like having a conversation with me, but you can call me names and I won’t care. You are receiving the Change The Odds Newsletter because you have subscribed either through kevinathompson.com; changetheodds.com, through attending a conference with Kevin, or by taking the Friends, Partners & Lovers Marriage Assessment. Update your email preferences or unsubscribe here © 2026 Change The Odds 1515 Ridgeview Cir Auburn, CA 95603, United States Powered by beehiiv