Relationships have attachment styles, not people. Here's why that changes everything.  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌

August 27, 2026   |   Read online You don't have an attachment style Relationships have attachment styles, not people. Here's why that changes how you take the assessment. Hi Kevin A, Don’t tell the internet, but I have some news for you: You don't have an attachment style. Relationships have attachment styles. People don't. We get it wrong the moment we call ourselves anxious, avoidant, disorganized, or secure, and then let that one word define the whole of who we are. That's not how attachment works. Attachment doesn't describe you. It describes a relationship. The internet gets the wrong all the time. Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube are full of people explaining what they are. But that’s not how attachment works. kevin_a_thompson12K followers View more on Instagram Here's what that looks like in my own life. I can be secure with Jenny, anxious with one parent, and avoidant with another. I can be secure with one of my kids and anxious with another, all in the same week, in the same body. None of those labels is the real me. Each one just describes how I'm showing up with one specific person. So if you've been wearing "anxious" or "avoidant" like a name tag, take it off. It was never meant to sum you up. This is why you take the assessment more than once The goal isn't to find out who you are. It's to find out how you're showing up, one relationship at a time. Each time you take it, pick one person and answer every question with only that relationship in mind. Then take it again for someone else. You might be surprised how much you change from one person to the next.   Who to take it for At a minimum, I'd take it for: Your spouse or partner Each of your children Each of your parents A close friend A co-worker Take the Love Styles Assessment   Once you've taken it, come make sense of what you find at LoveStyles.AI, where a lot of people are already working out how to love the people in their lives better, and why they love the way they do. If you took this for every important relationship in your life, how many different attachment styles do you think you'd score? There's no right answer here. That's the point. Just one. I'm about the same with everyone Two or three It would be all over the place No idea. That's why I'm curious And once you've taken the assessment a few times, hit reply and tell me which relationship surprised you most. I'd love to hear. I sat down with Focus on the Family this week This week I joined Focus on the Family for a national interview about attachment, love, and the ideas behind my book Love Styles. Give it a watch: Transform Your Marriage By Understanding Your Love Style | Kevin Thompson Attachment theory, what I call Love Styles, is also the subject of a full chapter in The Creation of Us if you want to go deeper. Listen to the whole Love Styles series We unpack all of this across five episodes on the Change the Odds podcast. If today hit home, start at Part 1 and work your way through. Part 1: Start here Part 2: Secure Attachment Part 3: Anxious, Avoidant, and Disorganized Part 4: Earned Secure Attachment Part 5: Attachment Theory, the Bible, and Healing The book behind all of this   Everything above lives in Love Styles in full: the stories, the science, and a practical path for moving any relationship toward secure. This week the book climbed to #3 in its category on Amazon, right behind Boundaries and Love and Respect. It's also the book I just sat down to talk through on Focus on the Family. If today's reframe helped, the book is where it goes deep. Get Love Styles on Amazon   I'm hitting the road Over the next two months I'll be traveling to Palm Springs, Chicago, Seattle, Reno, Atlanta, Lake Tahoe, and San Francisco. If you'd like me to bring a talk on Love Styles or The Creation of Us to your church, team, or community while I'm out, just reply to this email. I'd love to hear from you. Talk soon, Kevin P.S. If you've read Love Styles, would you do me a quick favor and leave a review on Amazon? Reviews help more people find the book, and I read every one. You are receiving the Change The Odds Newsletter because you have subscribed either through kevinathompson.com; changetheodds.com, through attending a conference with Kevin, or by taking the Friends, Partners & Lovers Marriage Assessment. Update your email preferences or unsubscribe here © 2026 Change The Odds 1515 Ridgeview Cir Auburn, CA 95603, United States Powered by beehiiv