The Fight That Happens In Your Head

Have you ever felt disappointed by something your spouse didn't do, only to realize later you never actually asked for it? You quietly carred the expectation, assuming that if they really loved you they would just know what you needed. While nothing was said out loud, a whole discussion was going on inside of you.

That's the fight that happens in your head.

And for most couples, at least one of you (if not both) often have these unspoken discussions. No shouting or slammed doors. But there is a growing sense of distance. You replay the moment, add meaning to it, and eventually write your own story: "If he really cared, he would just know." Or, "If she really loved me, she would know what I needed."

When you feel disappointed in your relationships, what do you do first?

I say what I want clearly (even if its awkward)

I get quiet and pull back

I hint and hope they pick it up

I get critical/frustrated/sarcastic

I take control and do it myself

Meanwhile, your spouse is completely unaware that a test had been given and that they had failed.

I see this pattern all the time. Great people. Good marriages. Yet, over time, clarity goes missing and disappointment takes its place. This doesn't happen because either spouse is cruel or clueless, but because expectations never spoken are expectations that rarely can be met.

That's the topic for this week's Fight Club segment on Change the Odds the Podcast. It gets underneath the surface of unspoken expectations, mind-reading, and the subtle ways romance begins to collapse when we stop saying what we want and start assuming the other person should just know.

Change The Odds | Latest Episode

Welcome to Change the Odds, the podcast! Discover practical tips on how to initiate conversations with your spouse about the need for more attention and create a system for giving each other the attention you both deserve. If you want to strengthen your marriage and enhance your connection with your partner, this podcast is a must. Join the conversation and don't miss out on this valuable advice for building a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

changetheodds.thrivepodcastnetwork.com/latest-episode

Valentine's Day Is Approaching

Valentine's Day is a week away and I've got a simple solution on how to have the best day ever.

Talk about it.

That's right. No guessing. No mind-reading. No, "he'd better get it right this year." Just find some time this weekend to discuss what each of you would like to have a meaningful Valentine's Weekend, and then divide the labor to make it happen.

Some object by saying this takes all the romance out of it. But does it? Does planning your birthday or Christmas ruin the mood? No. What ruins the mood is when one of you has expectations that are unspoken, and the other has no chance at meeting those desires.

Just have a conversation. Be honest. Be vulnerable. And watch how much better this year is compared to years past.

Mind Reading Is Ruining Your Relationships (EP81)

We just wrapped up a month of teaching Love Styles to 300 people, and last night we kicked off our next month-long class with 400 people. It's rewarding to share this book with others and watch as they begin to discover ways their actions are preventing the very outcome they desire.

If you are interested in hosting a Love Styles one-night, retreat, or weekend, just respond to this email. In the meantime, make sure you pick up a copy.

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