April 16, 2026 | Read online

5 Signs Your Love Is Secure

What emotionally secure relationships really look like

This week on the Podcast we are in part 2 of our 5 part series on Love Styles: Why You Love the Way You Do (and How to Change It). In this episode, I give 5 clear signs that you releationship is secure. Take a listen. Then, pick one of the characteristics that is the weakest for you, and go to LoveStyles.AI. Ask it: why do I/we struggle with _______.” It will walk you through a process of self-reflection to consider why that trait is a struggle and how to make it better.

(Reply to this email with which of the five traits is the hardest for you. I’d love to know and I won’t share your response with anyone.)

Love Styles Part 2: Secure Attachment (EP91)

5 Signs of Secure Attachment

Most people want to understand their attachment style. Are you anxious? Avoidant? Somewhere in between? That’s helpful, but it’s not the most important question.

The better question is this: Am I showing up in a secure way right now?

Because at the end of the day, every healthy relationship is built on the same foundation—secure attachment.

And the good news? It’s not complicated.

There are a few core traits that define what secure attachment actually looks like. If you can begin to move toward these, you’ll start changing your relationships—no matter where you’re starting from.

Here are five to focus on:

1. You believe you are lovable.
This doesn’t mean you think you’re perfect. It means you have a grounded sense that you are worthy of love—even with your flaws.
A lot of relationship tension comes from asking someone else to love a version of you that you don’t even accept.

2. You believe others are generally trustworthy.
Not blindly. Not naively. But you don’t walk into every relationship assuming people will hurt you.
Secure people give trust room to grow instead of shutting it down before it starts.

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3. You can express your needs without fear.
You know what you need, and you’re willing to say it.
You’re not stuffing it down (avoidant), and you’re not afraid of being “too much” (anxious).
You simply communicate, clearly and calmly.

4. You can manage your emotions.
You don’t ignore what you feel, but you’re not controlled by it either.
You can stay present in hard conversations without shutting down or blowing up.
That ability alone changes everything in a relationship.

5. You can handle both connection and independence.
You’re comfortable being close, and you’re also comfortable being alone.
You don’t panic when there’s space, and you don’t withdraw when things get intimate.
You can live in both, and that creates stability.

Here’s what I’ve learned over time:

You don’t fix your relationships by obsessing over what’s wrong.
You fix them by getting clear on what’s healthy and moving toward it.

So instead of asking, “What’s my attachment style?”
Start asking, “What would a secure response look like right now?”

Then take one step in that direction.

That’s how change happens.

If you want to go deeper into this, I break it down fully in this week’s episode of the podcast and in my book Love Styles.

You don’t have to stay stuck in old patterns. You can learn a new way to love.

Thanks for reading. If you are near Alabama, join me April 24-26 in Decatur. I’ll be covering Love Styles on Friday/Saturday and preaching on Stay In Your Lane on Sunday.

blessings,

Kevin

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